When people ask me what is the most important thing to know about dying, I often say, “The older and sicker you get, the less you’re asked and the more you’re told.” Driven by a cultural fear of frailty and mortality, people surrounding a dying person often become frustrated by how that person’s decision-making process may change with illness and age. Perhaps it takes a little longer to mull things over. We might need a doctor to explain test results and treatment options a few times before we fully grasp all of the technical information. Often, our endurance isn’t what it used to be and we can’t entertain difficult discussions for longer than a few minutes at a time. Well-meaning family members and friends often speak over the dying person, or decide for them in the interest of efficiency or ease, without asking them what they see as their best and most authentic options. 

My job as your death midwife is to help you discover, restore, and maintain your autonomy. Whether you want to talk about what’s happening to your body, explore the existential questions of death, write letters to your dear ones, map out your celebration of life, create and cross things off a dying to-do list, or simply have someone to quietly take your hand in a tough moment, I’m here to hold space for you, document your choices, and advocate for your wishes before, during, and after your final moments.